My heart is racing--although my subconscious reminds me it’s not my heart--I can feel everything. I’m not walking fast but my heart is pounding harder than I ever thought it could. I’m bombarded by two voices in my head. This is the first time I’ve ever heard his voice and I’m all too aware I’ll never hear it with my own ears. I wish I could be sad but there is too much information to take in.
The walls are thick and I’m aware of three men in front of me. Guards? Peripherally I note at least five more behind. One is a woman that appears to wandering, not part of the group nor the guards. Her aimless gazing is disconcerting and my father feels the same- something else too. Guilt?
It’s dark here and I can feel a cold breeze; too cold. I look around to see where it’s coming from but find no answer. He already knows. We stop as a group as we approach a door. Numbers are punched into the panel next to it and it drags open. Bile rises in my mouth and I’m sweating. I’m really trying to shut my own internal voice out and listen to his to get some indication of where the hell I am, when and why this particular jaunt in memory has taken me to this horrible place but all I can decipher is the sense of determination and fear.
We’re walking again now and I see chambers, different to the one I’m in now yet familiar. They look like coffins. I’m escorted into one in the far corner and I know to climb inside with little fuss. It seems I am the only one that feels this way. One man who is tall and lean attempts to run- although why he has chosen to run now in this room is beyond me. He is overpowered, sedated and thrown in the chamber where wires are attached and embedded and his greying skin. In the commotion I’ve barely even noticed the wires plugged into me. The lid is shut.
I suddenly can’t bare it, and by that I mean either of us, I’m trying to pull out one of the needles in my arm before I lose consciousness and I’m sick on myself, it’s running down my neck and the smell is toxic. I’m so nervous and weak that my hands fumble as they lose grip and become numb. With a clumsy tug I pull it out. A combination of the pain, the fear and the screaming thoughts cause me to come back- or wake up or whatever it is I’m doing that means I won’t be there anymore. (return to consciousness)
I push open the door fall to my knees and throw up. This is my first time preincarnating. The first of many.