My heart is racing--although my subconscious
reminds me it’s not my heart--I can feel everything. I’m not walking fast but
my heart is pounding harder than I ever thought it could. I’m bombarded by two
voices in my head. This is the first time I’ve ever heard his voice and I’m all
too aware I’ll never hear it with my own ears. I wish I could be sad but there
is too much information to take in.
The walls are thick and I’m aware of three men
in front of me. Guards? Peripherally I note at least five more behind. One is a
woman that appears to wandering, not part of the group nor the guards. Her
aimless gazing is disconcerting and my father
feels the same- something else too. Guilt?
It’s dark here and I can feel a cold breeze;
too cold. I look around to see where it’s coming from but find no answer. He
already knows. We stop as a group as we approach a door. Numbers are punched
into the panel next to it and it drags open. Bile rises in my mouth and I’m
sweating. I’m really trying to shut my own internal voice out and listen to his
to get some indication of where the hell I am, when and why this particular
jaunt in memory has taken me to this horrible place but all I can decipher is
the sense of determination and fear.
We’re walking again now and I see chambers,
different to the one I’m in now yet familiar. They look like coffins. I’m escorted into one in the far corner
and I know to climb inside with little fuss. It seems I am the only one that
feels this way. One man who is tall and lean attempts to run- although why he
has chosen to run now in this room is beyond me. He is overpowered, sedated and
thrown in the chamber where wires are attached and embedded and his greying
skin. In the commotion I’ve barely even noticed the wires plugged into me. The
lid is shut.
I suddenly can’t bare
it, and by that I mean either of us, I’m trying to pull out one of the needles
in my arm before I lose consciousness and I’m sick on myself, it’s running down
my neck and the smell is toxic. I’m so nervous and weak that my hands
fumble as they lose grip and become numb. With a clumsy tug I pull it out. A
combination of the pain, the fear and the screaming thoughts cause me to come
back- or wake up or whatever it is I’m doing that means I won’t be there
anymore. (return to consciousness)
I push open the door
fall to my knees and throw up. This is my first time preincarnating. The
first of many.
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